Navigating grief during the holiday season is especially exhausing. This time of year is full of expectations-attending gatherings, holiday cheer to spread and traditions to uphold. We often ignore what our bodies are trying to tell us and force ourselves to do activities before we are ready. It’s ok to get out in the world and try new things, but we need to be mindful of pushing too fast and too hard.
This is where the practice of building healthy boundaries becomes essential. Creating boundaries isn’t about shutting people out, it’s about protecting your energy, honoring your healing and giving yourself permission to move through this season authentically. Here are a few boundaries you can set to create compassionate boundaries to support yourself during this season.
Drive Yourself~
By driving your own car to any event, you’re giving yourself an easy out when you’re done being social. Taking on a little outing can sound fun at first, but overdoing it burns you out. When you drive yourself, you also give yourself the opportunity to leave when you’ve hit your max.
Be Mindful of Alcohol Consumption
Let’s be clear about what alcohol actually is…a depressant and a toxin. We might be drawn to the numbing effect it has on our body, but the long-term damages are actually adding to our taxed emotional state. Alcohol tends to bring out all those underlying feelings. Whatever you decide, be mindful of how much you drink and the unwanted repercussions it might bring. Remember, if you drove you shouldn’t drink at all for your safety and the safety of others on the road.
Practice Grounding Exercises
Try one of these when you’re feeling overwhelmed in any social environment:
~Deep breath work such as “in through the nose, out gently through the mouth” helps regulate your nervous system. Try breathing out for a longer breath than you breathed in. Repeat. You can do this with your eyes open or closed.
~Excuse yourself to the bathroom or outside for a few minutes. Take this opportunity to evaluate your system…are you ok to continue or do you need to leave?
~Grip & release your fists. This is a simple exercise that you can do wherever you’re standing or sitting. Make a fist and squeeze hard for a few seconds and then release. Repeat 5-10 times or until you feel more relaxed.
~Observe instead of participate in conversation. Give yourself permission to just be in the room, but you don’t have to try so hard to be a part of the conversation. It’s a big step to just be there.
5-4-3-2-1 Method: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch/feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Check-In With Yourself
Start asking yourself some basic questions: What am I doing to be comfortable? Do your clothes feel uncomfortable? Are you cold or overheated? Does your body physically hurt? Are you in a stable emotional state? Then adjust to make yourself more comfortable. Ask for help in getting what you need to be comfortable physically and mentally.
Release Expectations of Others
You are not required to meet the expectations of anyone else. Your friends and family might want you to “try” different experiences to help you in your healing, but don’t do anything that feels too much for your system. You can always tell them you’re not up for it using simple phrases like, “It’s not feeling right at the moment to do this.” or “I can only stay an hour.” You don’t need to over explain your reasoning.
Don’t get caught up in what others want you to do. Advice and push to get into the holiday spirit often comes from a place of love, but you don’t need to push yourself if it doesn’t align with your grieving journey. Do what feels right for you.