I remember feeling helpless as I watched my mother and uncle stumble through the last few months of my Uncle Jack’s life. Jack was adamant that he was going to beat cancer and refused to plan for any other outcome. The result was agonizing, both before and after his death. My family was forced to make decisions they were unsure would follow my uncle’s wishes…and they painstakingly second-guessed themselves every step of the way.
The days leading up to his passing, there were questions regarding his end-of-life wishes, many of which he couldn’t help make because of his pain. Immediately following his death, the flood of decisions that had to be made were intense, but had to be made quickly. They soon realized that they were rudderless in navigating the business of his death.
When I was collecting content for the website, I felt strongly that preparing for the end-of-life was both necessary and compassionate for those left behind. We created a page specifically to help guide this process within our How We Help Tab, although now I see it needs some “spoofing up”.
I felt compelled to bring up the importance of being prepared before the loss occurs after witnessing this with my own family. I realize this is the BEST CASE SCENARIO and cannot always be done. Uncomfortable conversations equal a clear understanding of wishes and a space to mourn your loss.
Vital Information to Gather Before Your Loved One Passes
Sadly, there is much business to take care of after someone dies. The following information will typically be required for a burial permit which grants permission for a burial to take place:
Legal name, home address, telephone number
When did they move to this state (so you can infer the number of years in the state)
Business name or Employer name, address, telephone number (care recipient’s occupation, title, and manager)
Military details such as service date, service place, service number, separation from service information, grade/rank/rating, and branch of service
Place of Birth and if a U.S. Citizen or not
Mother and Father’s Names (including maiden name) and birthplace
Religion (if applicable)
The documents below (if applicable) will be requested by various parties to establish your rights to insurance, pension, social security, ownership, etc.
Will and Certificate of Trust
Birth certificate or legal proof of age
Social Security Card or number
Marriage license
Citizenship papers
Insurance policies (life, health, and accident, property)
Pension plan
Bank and financial account information
Property deeds
Bill of sale of car or title
Income tax returns, receipts, or bank statements
Veterans discharge certificate
Disability claims
Deed to burial property and funeral prearrangements (if purchased in advance)
A conversation about your loved one’s personal preferences and wishes before a crisis will allow you to be present after your loss and reduce family stress with the decision making process. There are a few resources that can help facilitate these conversations, including the Peace of Mind Planner and The Conversation Project.
Burial/cremation, funeral home, and memorial wishes (service type, readings, media publications for notification, favorite songs, clothing/jewelry to wear, etc.)
List of valued charities for potential donations instead of flowers
Organ donation wishes
List of names and phone numbers of their friends and family they would want you to notify
Make a shared digital album of favorite photos for people to add to for a slideshow, announcements, or to display at the memorial.
Find a grief counselor or support group available for surviving friends and family. There are often resources through your hospice of choice as well as private therapists. Psychology Today and Better Help have extensive databases. Together We Heal Community has a local list HERE.
Tasks to be done Immediately
The following tasks are recommended to be done immediately after someone passes or at least within the first few days:
If death occurs at home, notify emergency authorities, primary doctor, or home hospice. Document the date and cause of death.
Notify immediate family, best friends, and current employer or military unit
Contact the funeral home or faith community to guide you through preparing for the funeral or memorial service, obtaining necessary permits, and handling the transportation and disposition of the body.
Order 10-20 Copies of the Death Certificate – an original copy is often required for most financial and administrative processes following a death. Your attorney and or financial planner can help you determine ne how many copies may be needed for your situation. Better to order more than you think you’ll need.
Secure any valuables such as jewelry, silver, and essential heirlooms to mitigate potential loss or misuse
Make immediate plans to care for children and pets.
Tasks For the Weeks Following A Death
Discuss with family members and friends about dividing these tasks. The following tasks can typically wait until week 2 to start.
Redirect your loved one’s mail and assign a neighbor to keep a watchful eye on the empty home
Secure memorial clothing
Notify extended friends and family and friends of specific memorial plans. You may want to include a social post on your care recipient’s account to reach their friends quickly.
Notify financial institutions, credit bureaus, and insurance companies
Address Legal and Estate Matters – an attorney or estate planner to navigate legal matters such as probate, distribution of assets, and executing the deceased’s will or trust. They can guide you through the legal steps to ensure a smooth ownership transition and settle any outstanding debts or obligations.
Notify Government Agencies (e.g., Veterans Affairs) and Social Security Administration
Pay outstanding bills and cancel or transfer subscriptions and memberships
Additional memorial plans such as writing eulogy/obituary, identifying hotels for out-of-town visitors, selecting readers/pallbearers
Remove plants, perishable food, and trash from the care recipient’s home
Access your care recipient’s social media accounts, email accounts, and online storage. It’s essential to gain access to these accounts to manage or memorialize them according to your loved one’s wishes. Some platforms have specific procedures for handling charges of deceased individuals, so it’s worth checking their respective policies.
The business of a death for the family is lengthy and exhausting, but having a detailed checklist and emotional support will help the process run as smoothly as possible. Navigating the process of closing things down is necessary, so that you can move into the actual stage of grieving.
Sources & Additional Resources
