The Weight of Caregiving
Being a caregiver is overwhelming and relentless. It’s mostly a thankless job with little or no time to give to yourself. There are primary and secondary losses to being a primary caregiver to the sick and aging.
Care Recipient’s Behavior Problems. If the loved one(s) in your care exhibits challenging behavior, it can take a stronger emotional toll on you.
Cognitive Impairment. Caring for someone with cognitive impairment often requires an extra level of patience and understanding, which can be emotionally draining.
Functional Disabilities. The more dependent your loved one is on you for daily activities, the more challenging caregiving can become.
Duration and Amount of Care. The longer and more intensive your caregiving role, the higher the risk of burnout and mental health issues.
Your Age. If you’re an older caregiver, you might be more vulnerable to the stresses of caregiving due to your own health concerns and energy levels.
Your Relationship. Spousal caregivers often bear a heavier emotional burden from caregiving because of the depth of their connection with the care recipient.
Your Gender. Female caregivers, who make up a significant portion of caregivers (more than 75%, according to recent research), tend to experience more mental health challenges as a result of societal and familial expectations.
Source: https://www.caregivercalifornia.org/
Tips For Caregivers:
After reading a couple of articles about supporting caregivers, I started wondering if these were actually helpful. They sounded logical, but how realistic were they? I reached out to my dear friend from church, who had been a caregiver to her father-in-law and then her husband to ask what she learned from her personal experience and what she would want others to know going forward. I asked her for some wisdom to share with people who are currently caregivers.
Here’s her top 4 tips.
Don’t bottle up your emotions.
Find a “safe release” to help you release and regulate your nervous system. Don’t bottle up your emotions for too long or they will drive you crazy. You are often limited to a small amount of time for yourself, so you’ll have to get creative. Do some exploration to find simple ways that work for you and your situation.
For example:
-Go outside and scream. This also works if you just make a “screaming face” because it helps release endorphins, which in turn helps you relax.
-Crying. Many of us try to hold back the tears, but crying is actually beneficial in detoxifying out bodies and releasing endorphins. I wrote a whole blog post about the benefits of crying.
-Ask a neighbor or friend to watch your loved one while they nap and take this time to walk around your block or a nearby park.
-Find an empty room to do some meditation or praying.
Find Others Who Have Been Through It.
Seek out individuals or groups that know first-hand about the rigors of caregiving. Connect with others who are also caregivers. There are many local and online caregiver support groups. You need encouragement from people who understand the demands necessary to care for another human being. Often caregivers think they’re a failure because they don’t have anyone encouraging them and telling them positives. They need someone to tell them they’re doing a good job.
Reach out for help.
Knowing is half the battle. You’ve just been handed a major responsibility…now what? You need some real education on being a caregiver, so you don’t have to do it all by yourself. You can find assistance through local support groups, your hospice of choice and senior centers. Health Insurance has their own hospice services, but there are many private or government funded hospices in your area. They offer support for caregivers in the form of classes, activities and support groups. Here are a few local ones:
California Department of Aging
Elk Grove Senior Center Support Groups
Virtual Classes can help you gain helpful information from your home so you can care for your loved one without leaving home. Click HERE to see a list of virtual classes from City of Sacramento.
Get Help Financial Planning. There are organizations that can help you organize your new financial circumstances. Caregiving often means you need to reduce your hours or quit your job in order to care for your loved one. What next? Click HERE for financial support resources for caregivers.
Don’t Neglect Yourself.
Self Care: It’s easier said than done, but don’t forget to prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Many senior centers offer free and low-cost activities to get out on a budget. These activities offer the social benefit when you feel isolated and depleted from your caregiving demands.Recognizing the challenges of caregiving and their potential impact on your mental health is the first step.
Respite Care. This can often become expensive, but having a family and friends planning session might be helpful. Take shifts to give the much needed break for rest, chores, errands and social activities.
Seek out Social Gatherings to Refuel Your Joy.
Many senior centers offer free and low-cost activities to get out on a budget. These activities offer the social benefit when you feel isolated and depleted from your caregiving demands.
Do yourself a favor and Read the Caregiver’s Bill of Rights. It might be helpful to print it out and place it somewhere you can read it daily as a reminder to be kind to yourself.
Remember that you are not alone. There are approximately 39.8 million caregivers who provide care to adults (aged 18+) with a disability or illness or 16.6% of Americans. There is no shame in being overwhelmed with the task of caring for a dependent and seeking help. Caregiving is multi-faceted. Start where you can. Caregivers often deplete themselves and don’t have the energy to pull themselves out. It’s important to start right away. There are resources to make your day-to-day life a little easie