Aidan’s Forever Adventures
Written by: Julie Rushing
I was only 20 when I had my son, Aidan. Scared of what would change in my world. Scared if I would be a good mom. But the minute he was placed in my arms, the love for him pushed everything else aside. His perfect scrunched face and all his little toes and fingers, my angel here on Earth. How could this be wrong?
Aidan made being a mom feel so natural and easy. He was always happy, loved cuddles and books, and would eat anything you put on his plate. As he grew, his curiosity of the world and his insatiable appetite for learning and trying new things , turned into a deep love of travel and exotic foods.
When Aidan graduated high school, he set about making plans to travel the world. He wanted to immerse himself in the food and culture of the local communities and travel the off-beaten paths. Aidan would even set about learning the languages so he could really feel a part of his surroundings. He would make it to many countries, from Spain, France, Italy and more. He had the time of his life on a camel camping adventure in the Moroccan desert, trying camel milk at a local farm. He had just returned from Peru, where he’d tried guinea pig, two weeks before he died. Two weeks before I lost my son, my world.
Aidan, like so many of us, had been hit hard by the Covid epidemic. He had been planning a month-long adventure to Asia. When the world shut down, he shut down. Little did I know, Aidan began experimenting with pills he believed were Percocet. He and his friends would take them to escape and play video games. Trying to forget what was happening all around them. But the pills were never Percocet. They were counterfeit, made with fentanyl, and Aidan became addicted.
The thing is, Aidan was not one we would ever have thought to worry about when it came to drugs. We had a very close relationship. He would tell me pretty much everything, even things I wished he’d keep to himself. Aidan was not much of a drinker and he had tried marijuana but didn’t like how it made him feel. He didn’t smoke and never felt pressured to do things he didn’t want to do. He was insanely smart and had prided himself on being a pretty sober person. So when we learned that Aidan was addicted, it blindsided so many of us.
I had never heard of fentanyl. I never knew to warn my kids about fentanyl. When I found out how it was now being put into every street drug and fake pill being sold, it was too late to save my son.
Aidan’s addiction came on fast. He started to come over less often, avoiding my calls. I worried, but I also knew he was a 28 year old man. When he did come by, he was different and looked unwell. I would ask questions, but he had an answer for everything that seemed to make sense. So when we found out Aidan was addicted, I hit the ground running to help him get clean. I took him to the hospital, I called rehab centers, his family doctor, counselors, but each place we were met with roadblocks. I ended up taking my son home and caring for him through his withdrawals. I made sure he was safe and had hope and a plan to stay clean.
Addiction and fentanyl don’t care about plans. I know Aidan tried. Everyone was happy to have the old Aidan back. He was happy again. But we never know what is truly going on with someone, no matter how close you are. I would realize I knew nothing when I got the call on the morning of June 23, 2022 that my boy had died from fentanyl poisoning. I couldn’t save my son anymore.
Losing a child spins your world off its axis. You’re lost and you don’t have a clue how to survive. People you love don’t know how to help you and many stop coming around. You fear that your child will be forgotten. You just want the world to stop and mourn like you do. But life still keeps moving forward no matter how hard you fight it.
After Aidan passed, I reached out to many programs and advocacy groups working to educate the public on the dangers of fentanyl. I needed Aidan’s story told, even if it saved only one mother from my pain. One particular event, Locks Of Loss in Fort Bragg, really connected with me. Founded by Holly Hunt, after her son Robert passed, Locks of Loss became a memorial to those killed by fentanyl poisoning. Holly created a space where parents and families could add locks with their child’s picture to the Pudding Creek Trestle in Fort Bragg. A place many visitors would pass as they visited the beach and rode their bikes along the coast. A beautiful spot where our kids would be remembered with love. It brought a bit of joy to my heart knowing Aidan’s lock had a new place to overlook and explore.
Locks of Loss gave me what I’d been looking for when it came to honoring my son. I wanted Aidan remembered for the life he lived, not the way he died, so I began creating more photo locks and asked loved ones and friends to take him along on their travels. Some would take pictures of his lock in front of famous destinations. Others would send videos of his lock’s surroundings and describe to me Aidan’s views. I even created a QR code tag that attached to his locks that would lead anyone who found one to an Instagram page called Aidans4everadventure.
Aidan’s locks have given me something to keep his memory alive. A way to keep my son exploring and seeing the world. A way to keep him in the here and now, not just for me, but also his fellow travelers. It has been 4 years since Aidan passed away. He will forever be stuck at 30, but he will never be stuck without an adventure.
I love you son.
More about Julie:
Looking for support after losing my son Aidan to fentanyl poisoning, I tried every local child loss grief group, looking for connection. Having to drive an hour away for the nearest Bereaved Moms group, I knew we needed something in Elk Grove.
Working with another grieving mom and through the nonprofit Together We Heal Community, we began Grieving Mothers’ Circle to offer a place to connect with other moms who have lost a child. I also became involved in advocacy on the dangers of fentanyl.
Aidan’s story has become a part of the Sacramento Opioid Coalition’s “Gone To Soon” Campaign that aims at educating our youth on the dangers of counterfeit pills. But most of all, I continue to honor my son, Aidan through his traveling locks that are making their way around the world. Follow his adventures or request a lock for your travels on Instagram at aidans4evradventure
Aidan is missed everyday by myself, my husband Paul, his siblings, and many friends and family. Please talk to your kids about the dangers of experimentation.
Julie continues to connect with other bereaved moms and build a powerful network with them in her community. She openly talks with parents and youth about her son’s struggles to educate and empower them about the dangers of Fentanyl. She co-facilitates a support group A Grieving Mothers’ Circle every month through TWHC. Julie is committed to bringing compassionate care and connection to other bereaved parents. We are thankful for her dedication towards educating and supporting other families experiencing the loss of a child.